Pregnancy, the 2nd Time Around

The first time I was pregnant, with my daughter Lexi, I have to admit I was a miserable mess. We were only 19, we had been married 7 months when we found out, and neither of us had a clue. My emotional ups and downs were severe, due partially to money stress and just the vast void of unknown, and my poor young husband had no idea how to handle it, or me.
Between the two of us, it was one long, miserable time.

But this is round 2. And it was SO much better.
For starters, we both have an idea of what we're doing. We're 23/24 now, which while still young, has given us several years parenting experience. Time to mellow out, get organized, and develop a plan based on our built up parenting skills.

A big part of what has made this pregnancy so much smoother is that I didn't gain nearly as much weight as I did my first time. At 19 I had never weighed over 112 lbs. Sick I know. I was rail thin by nature and I was in no way prepared for the changes that were about to consume my previously taut body, and transform it into a scarred, flabby mess. I had never had to work hard to stay thin, I just was. And I couldn't mentally process the changes it was going through. So I cried, a lot. I gave birth to my daughter weighing 166 lbs. Quite the jump there.
This time I started out at a toned 135 lbs (I had been going to the gym regularly, and a lot of that was muscle; husband makes a good gym partner!) and am finishing off at 160, which is only a 25 lb weight gain, perfectly with the range set by the doctors. And while it's only 6 lbs less than my end weight last time, I'm far thinner than I was then. Last time it was 54 pounds of fat, that I carried just about everywhere, including my face. This time it's 25 lbs, that I'm carrying mostly around my mid-section. So momma's feeling good about herself. And when momma feels good about herself, all is well!

Another huge part of this pregnancy going so much better has been my husband.
Last time he was a scared 19 year old boy with no experience with babies, or children, or pregnant women. Or really, women at all. Because I was a scared 19 year old girl, turning into a mother, not a woman yet. He didn't know how to deal with me, my feelings, his own feelings, the idea of having a baby, being a father...and because he didn't know how, he just didn't. I felt completely alone most days.
(You may have picked it up at this point, but our first was an un-planned pregnancy. I can attest that birth control is only 97% effective)
This time? So different. He has been a father for over 4 years, and that changes a man. Last time, he didn't know he could love a small, crying, pooping, "potato". And this time, well he can't imagine life without her, and I think that helps him. He knows that this little one will become just as big a part of our lives as Alexis has been.
He is excited, he is helpful, he is on my team, and we are on the same page. It has made such world of difference, never feeling alone in this. And seeing him get excited about things, even small things, is the best feeling. That's really key to an easy pregnancy, great support!

As stated before, we were very young. And an enormous part of what has made this pregnancy easier, is just being older. My hormone levels are much more balanced (zero mood-swings this pregnancy!), my body is more built to handle the physical stress, and we are at a more comfortable and settled place in our lives financially and otherwise. Those are all huge factors in pregnancy. The less stress you have going on in your life, the smoother this period of time is going to go. And being older has helped with that so much.
In fact, even though I was diagnosed with gestational diabetes this time, this pregnancy has been SO much easier, I know that if it had been this way last time we would already have more little ones.

The biggest factor though? Experience! We've already done this. And in worse circumstances than we're in now. We know we can handle it. We know how to prepare. And we have a tiny adorable 4-year-old distraction to help the time pass.

So good luck fellow mommies. I hope your pregnancies are smooth, and you have plenty of support. My next post will be after Talon is here, because tomorrow is the induction! ♥

Nesting issues make me contemplative...

I've thought often throughout this pregnancy about how lucky I am. We are in much better shape preparation-wise than I was with my daughter 4 1/2 years ago. And since this baby is a boy, I have a lot of hand-me-downs coming my way from my sister and sister-in-law. I really am blessed with the things I have and will have.

However, I have also thought often of the things I need. 

And of course, the things I want. 

The things I wish I could afford but can't. 

The things that other people have that I don't. 

And while I absolutely love sites like Pinterest and Etsy, they do feed into this subconscious need of mine for MORE stuff. The perfect stuff. The clean, concise, orderly, beautiful, modern, timeless, vintage, bold, aesthetically pleasing stuff.

I feel bombarded by images of perfectly decorated nurseries.

With modern colors, patterns, and textures, designer cribs and furniture, custom bedding and artwork, handmade (by themselves or relatives) blankets and decor...

I admit to having fallen prey to the marketing that started this trend. I'm on Etsy far too much, wishing much too hard that people will ONLY purchase from my registries, and not on their own whims. Feeling let down when things don't match my "color scheme" or my "style" for the baby.

And feeling like that leaves me feeling greedy. And sad. And kind of pathetic.

I should be so grateful for everything we receive! Even if it's covered in footballs. Or puppies. Or whatever.

Especially since our financial situation is hardly anything to boast about.

But mostly, because I should just feel blessed that people want to give us something. Something they liked, or thought was cute, or that reminded them of us.

I should feel this way, and yet, I see footballs and think, "Why couldn't it have been a simple color, or pattern?"

Maybe that's a bad example, because I know I'm not the only person who thinks sports themes are tacky for a baby. But still. Be gracious Jess.

Sidebar.

I'm waiting to move into an apartment that is currently in shambles due to renovation.

This leaves me hoarding my baby stuff in a corner of my living space downstairs. Living space a term being used loosely, since I hardly use the space at all aside from storing boxes and gathering clutter.

I prefer to spend the bulk of my time upstairs in the common areas shared with my family for the limited time we are here, so while things keep piling up down there, I don't spend enough time in the area to worry about things being too orderly.

This leaves me both living in a mess, and also waiting anxiously to begin the actual nesting. An urge which I feel almost every minute of every day.

I'm also about to stop working. Which I'm super excited about, but without an apartment and nursery to get ready, I feel a little useless. Like, what will I be doing that is productive? So I'm feeling rather unproductive.

My current mode of transportation, my in-laws van, is also about to disappear. And we are shopping for a new car on a limited budget that doesn't actually exist. But the van will be gone on a specific date and then I will just be car-less. For who knows how long. Dependent on relatives and friends for rides, which includes getting my daughter to school.

I have numerous other stress factors that are more related to the people around me than myself, but that affect my life none-the-less, all of this on top of the fact that a baby will be here soon.

I'm feeling extremely....overwhelmed

Bringing me back to topic, I found the image above (on Pinterest of course!), which is a quote from our dear late President Teddy Roosevelt. And when I saw it, I thought, "Aha!" This is exactly what I needed to see and hear. I need to stop comparing. Stop comparing what I have to what these nameless, faceless strangers have. Stop comparing my ability to keep things orderly to people who aren't in my current situation. Stop comparing the things I have, to the things I imagine I should have. I need to stop wishing for more. It's not my style. And it's not something I felt during my last pregnancy (a pregnancy sans websites and friends with babies).

In the end, I need to just remember that this is me. And him. And us three almost four. And what we have is enough. And who we are is enough. And that our love is enough. :)

Baby Names!

Talon, Everley, Brynnley, Luna....the list goes on! We can't decide. Help us out!

Boys



Girls



These are for first names only. Once we decide on 1-3 names for boys or girls, we will look at middle names also. Help us choose, which ones do you like?

Lexi Love

My daughter is the funniest.
My daughter is the smartest.
My daughter is the brightest.
My daughter is the friendliest.
The smiley-est.
The orneriest.
The strongest.
The silliest.
My daughter is the most independent.
The most defiant.
The most confidant and care-free.

Lexi is 2 ½, and she is already all these things.
To me anyway. To us. To our family.

She is so beautiful from the inside out.
And not because she’s obedient, or attractive, or doll-like.
Not because she is “girly”, or feminine, or quiet.
She is some of those things, and she is not some of those things.
But she is beautiful because she is purely her.
Just Lexi.

Her defiance can be exasperating, but also entertaining, and her daddy and I will laugh quietly to each other once she’s in time out and can’t see us.
Her silliness is sometimes incomprehensible, but beautiful to watch, and often the meaning or reason for it comes later, and show us her intelligence.
Her confidence and inner strength is so fantastic. I can’t imagine having it myself. I hope she holds onto that forever.
Her intelligence is beyond her years. Literally. Her speech, motor-skills, dexterity, all are beyond her age group. And she uses them to simply.have.fun.

Yes she is smart. Extra smart.
She can formulate full paragraphs, tell stories, explain to you why she is upset and how she thinks you should fix it. She can tell you she’s sorry and why she’s sorry.
She can count to 13, point out the letters O, C, W, S, and E in any random word or sentence, and she’s learning more all the time. Here at home with us.
So despite all of this, I have no intention of putting her in some fast-moving advanced-placement program as early as possible.
I want her to enjoy her childhood by just enjoying it.

Her smiley, scrunchy, angry, wide-eyed face brings more joy to my life than I’d ever thought that there would be.
And I love her.
For every smile, every scowl, every expression of false-surprise. For every tear, tantrum, and laugh. For every moment of joy or frustration she brings to us.
For the good and the bad.

A child will change your life forever.
I love mine.